Saturday, August 13, 2011

I gave to the homeless today...why do I feel so bad?

There was a woman I met at a closed gas station who told me she had nowhere to go, nobody to be with, she was elderly, and she drove a beat up car that had leakage and other problems. I had her follow me by car to the bank and she kept calling me an angel and that I was sent by God when I got out of the car. She was asking for a lot. She said 1,000 but she knew I wouldn't have that, than 500 anything she was begging. At least 1 hundred was what she said when I first met her at the station. I gave her $120 to her...but I had more. She said she could get a new life with $1000, and I knew I could have given her that, but it was my financial aid money for school. And now I feel horrible because Idk if this was a scam, she told me she was disabled and even showed me a placard. Ughhh the guilt card...anyway I just feel bad. Sorry for the incoherent writing. This is all stream of consciousness writing. But idk. I should feel good that I helped someone. But maybe I didn't do enough. And the whole heaven sent angel thing made me even more depressed because I know I'm not an angel. I'm a flawed human being like everyone else. Anyway, should I feel bad, or did my emotions get the best of me? Sometimes I hate that side of myself, the side that can't handle disappointment.

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